Pilgrimage...

My children love to listen to an audio version of "Pilgrim's Progress." It is a story that I have come to love over the last few years. I do not know if you are familiar with the story. It is the story of a man named Christian who flees the coming destruction of his city. He is fleeing to the Celestial City where the Great King waits to offer him peace and life. Christian's journey is not an easy one. He starts off heavily laden with a great burden. The burden is the burden of sin. Christian desperately desires the removal of this great burden. This desire is so great that he takes his eyes off of his goal and is quickly drawn out of the Way. He manages to find his way back but, throughout his journey is beset by many trials and missteps. He fails, he falls, he fails again...he continues. I love the encouragement this story offers because I have often found myself in the shoes of "Christian." I continually fall flat on my face, failing at being a "good Christian." I want to be one, but, I often find myself taking my eyes from my King and Savior and and trying to change my heart and my actions with my own power. Oh, I can change for a short time, but it is never lasting. I always revert back to my same selfish, self centered, self seeking, unforgiving, self righteous, self. The only lasting change that ever happens within my heart  is that which is accomplished by the work of the Holy Spirit.

I am so thankful that He can change me. I am so thankful that He can (and does) forgive me for my constant blunderings. How forgiving am I when others fail me, disappoint me, wound me, ignore me, turn their back on me, or sin against me? Honestly? I would love to be able to say that I am lowly and humble of heart and that I am that forgiving...but, that would make me a liar. I am proud. Oh, I used to think that I was humble...then I became a Christian and the truth was revealed. I tended to (and still unfortunately, sometimes still do) hold wrongs done to me, close. I would cradle them in my arms and tenderly nurture the unforgiveness until it became a festering, bitter, hateful resentment. The Lord is still working on this in me. Sometimes, I still want to hold onto those things. "See, what so-and-so did to me?! Poor me! Don't you feel bad for me?! Just look what they did!" Why do I do that? Ugh. It is so gross. I hate it in others...why do I seem to think that it is different in me?

Truthfully, I don't. Not really. Sometimes, I just want someone to put the blame on. Isn't that nice? I do not want to blame me...that would mean that I was, like, wrong about something! I would have to admit guilt...about something, anything. My pride does not think that is so cool. Thankfully, my Savior is continuing to chip away at this disgusting part of my nature. Thankfully, He does not give up on me. Thankfully, He forgives me. When I sin, I am rebelling against Him. I am fighting Him and telling Him that He has got it all wrong...that I have a better way. His answer? "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." He is the Way...my way? Not going to fly. Utter Failure.

So, why did I bring this all up? Why would you care? Because, miserable, putrid, wretch that I am, He loves me and He has made me His. He has sealed me, adopted me, made me His own. He is bringing me along patiently. He is guiding my feet every step. Like in the story, I fail. However, He never fails and He never gives up on me no matter how many wrong turns I take. Oh, do not get me wrong...there are consequences for my foolishness. He does chasten me, but, He does so with love and He does so perfectly and in just the way that I need.

I am on Pilgrimage. I am seeking the Holiest Land. I am seeking the King. I am on a journey and it is both terrifying and utterly glorious. Terrifying, because I know that He might ask me to do some really hard things and I am afraid that I will fail Him...utterly glorious, because I know that even though I am afraid, He will provide for me, and teach me, and strengthen me, and guide me through it all and if He wants it done through me...He will make it happen. If He wants it, I cannot fail no matter how afraid I am. Do you know why? Because, nothing is impossible with God.

It is late...I have babbled quite enough. I am sure that I will read this in the morning and it will not make as much sense to me as it does tonight. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Obey